Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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