i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize