Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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