just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
