Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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