So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
