I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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