Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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