i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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