dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sarcasm needs its own font
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
