After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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