16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Send help, water and tortillas.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
