you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
