but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
