my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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