Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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