You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
