you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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