yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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