Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
