they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
