He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
