btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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