i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
