Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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