My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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