Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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