So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
