I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
