Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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