The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
