Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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