Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
