There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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