Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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