butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize