Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
