omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
the raccoons are back...
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