I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
