Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
