she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
