some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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