so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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