I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize