Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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