Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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