i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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