So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize