Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You made out with two different species that night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
