I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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