I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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