his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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