He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
