So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
