dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
