i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
