4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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