I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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