So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
