terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
