Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize