If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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