did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
