i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
