i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
