It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
